Look.At.Me.Now

How have I let this happen?  How have I let all my bad habits come back and get the best of me.  Last year this time I was a completely different person.  A person with the right mindset, working out daily and eating healthfully.  Where am I now?  Where have those perfect habits gone?

The first thing I want to do is blame others.  Blame my job last December that made me work 3rd shift.  Forcing me to eat to stay awake. Blaming Debot for being all-you-can eat. [Seriously..freshman 15 is easier than you think]. Blame everyone else for being skinny and being able to eat whatever they want..and watching them thinking its so not fair. And blaming God for cursing me with this horrible fate.  [Why me, God? Is usually running through my mind everyday] 

But in all reality i should just be blaming myself.  [No. no. Don't say it.  I'm going to be hard on myself because I need to be.]  Its me who controls my daily routines.  Its me who controls when I eat and how often I work out. 

So this is me now...taking control of my life.  Getting back to the way I was last year.  Starting fresh. This is me...in real life.  The realist you'll ever see me.  Judge if you want..but that doesn't make you a better person. Haters gne hate.

Don't worry, I'll just use that as MOTIVATION.
-Deuces

If.You've.Got.An.Issue

If yo azz has an issue with me or the things I do, keep it to yourself. Don't be running your mouth to other people about the "problems" you think I have. Really?! Really? I don't need you and Im chuckin up the DEUCES!
-Deuces

A.Minute.Passed

For a minute has passed, do not fret. I am still here. Excuse my absence since I have been preoccupied by the trials and torments of my own life. "Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you disquieted within me? Hope in GOD; for I shall again praise HIM, my help and my GOD. By day the LORD commands his steadfast love, and at night his son is with me, a prayer to the GOD of my life." (Psalm 42: 5,8) I will trust in the Lord. Do not worry I am still here. Keeping on keeping on--making my mark.
-Deuces

What's.She.Got

What's she got that I don't have? Ohh..she's skinny. Pfft...how the fuck can I compare? Wait..who wants to be skinny anyway? I like my ass, and my thick legs. His loss right? So why doesn't it feel like that? Ughh! Fuck emotions. What's she got that I don't have? What the fuck is it? I don't understand. I love you, isn't that enough? Or is that too much?! Never the less..this is all bullshit. I'm angry. I don't want to see you anymore. Leave. Get out of my head and out of my life..I want something/someone else. Ohh but my goodness I'm in love with you. You're all I want in a person. Why don't you like me back? What's she got that I don't? Stupid. Stuupid. Stupid.  I'm telling you, all you love birds, don't put all your eggs in one basket. Cuz someone will take them all and smash them. Blahhh. God help me.
-Deuces.

Today.Sucks

I've been in a salty mood for a minute now. Why God? Why me? Today started out horrible and is ending the same way.  This day proves to me how much I need God and positive people in my life.  Ughh! I'm SO ANGRY! Angry at myself and some "friends." Why make promises you know you're going to break. What kind of friend are you? But who am I to complain..my life is not a fraction as bad as other people's. I AM BLESSED to be here, a child of God on this earth. Blessed to be going to college. Blessed to have a job. Blessed to have REAL friends. Blessed to breathe. Why is it that no matter how long and hard I think about all the good things in my life...i turn back to the sucky "moments" of today, or yesterday? All in all...days like today happen. But all I can do about it is have a short memory. Forget. And give tomorrow another chance. Giving all my problems to God and let him lead my life.

On the bright side...today I got certified in CPR and First Aid! and got to spend some lovely time with my new friend Nicole. (: [Hi Nicole] Today is a busy day. Signing the lease to my apartment, finally! (: I'm super excited. I'm moving in June 1, 2012. To all of you who read this, and to those of you who don't may God bless you today and for the rest of your life.
-Deuces.

November.Dreams

The second of Nov. sitting in class listening to my Professor "blah.blah.blah" about something I already know. Praying to God that this class gets over soon so I can go to Track practice. Thinking about my goals for November. What will they be? Hmmm...let me guess. The original "I'm going to lose X amount of pounds this month." Realistic? Perhaps. So, what are my November dreams? (1) Yes, you're right. Lose 10 pounds this month. (2) Ever heard of no shave November...how about no SWEETS [cookies/candy/cake] November. (3) Find a man? Is that important? Maybe? I like being on my own though...So I guess finding a best guy friend is realistic. (: (4) Good grades. Yeah being successful is important to me. Yes, you're going to see me in Magazines one day. Can I meet this goals? YES! God help me.
-Deuces